What Faith Can Do

At 10:38am we got our second update on how our 6 babies are growing. The doctor informed me that once the fertilized cells start dividing the embryo (baby) is placed on a grading system-Grade 1-5, based on the quality of the embryo. He informed me that out of our 6 fertilized eggs, 2 have not began dividing yet at all. However, he believes they could start dividing today so he is not going to take them out of the equation just yet. Of the other 4 whose cells have started dividing, we have 3 that are right on track at 4 cells each and he said they are grade 1, the best quality. Our other little one is at 2 cells today, but also a grade 1 quality. So to recap, we have 4 grade 1 quality embryos today, but 3 that are right on track. I asked if the ones who have not taken off yet are likely the ones with chromosome issues and he said they have no way of knowing that.

Yesterday I felt a huge dark cloud hovering over me all day after we got the call that we went from 12 eggs to only 6 that were fertilized. Going through this process is extremely stressful. There are days when our hope and faith are through the roof and days when it feels like our dream is no where near our reach. Yesterday was one of those days for me that it just felt no where near my reach. Especially knowing that my eggs carry chromosome issues that have resulted in death of at least 3 of our 4 babies we have been pregnant with. Knowing that out of these 4 that are dividing-there will be some with Down Syndrome and likely some with Trisomy 13, and we will be very lucky to have at least one that has all 46 chromosomes without any extra genetic material attached to them. It has made me feel like Satan has entered my mind and is trying to get me down, making me feel like this is impossible for us.

Today I am making myself kick out any negative thought that I have in my mind. I am going to remember that no matter what happens, we will be parents and God has a special plan for us. I am going to focus on keeping faith in God that he has brought us this far and he will not leave us. I am going to remember that faith, above all things, has to be the center of our lives right now.

Tomorrow is genetic testing day. We won't get a phone call until some time in the afternoon to let us know how the biopsies went and how many they were able to test. I will update once we have an answer. Until then-keep praying my friends. Pray that the 4 that are doing well keep doing well, and pray that the 2 struggling will get a hand from God and will start growing today.

This song is going to get us through these next couple of days.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JBSQMkQEo