The "Un-Friendly" Reminders

People who struggle with infertility, who are actively trying to conceive a baby, are often reminded they are not pregnant but the start of their menstrual cycle. They are reminded by their expensive doctor bills from their Reproductive Endocrinologist that they have been trying everything they can to have a baby, but instead all they have is debt up to their ears. People who have to endure the pain of miscarriage and stillbirth are reminded they are no longer pregnant by the sight of blood and the feeling of cramps. They are reminded their baby died died by the surgery and hospital bills they come in soon after their d&c or labor and delivery. These are all the "Un-Friendly" reminders that the struggle is as real as it could be.

This weekend, we were reminded of our failure, of our pain, and of our debt by all the above. On Friday night when I got home from work I started my period. Even though the nurse who called earlier in the day with our negative pregnancy test result said to continue progesterone over the weekend "just in case" and to get my blood drawn again on Monday...there was no purpose. The Progesterone injections failed to metabolize in my body which is most likely why they baby they transferred could not implant itself. My Progesterone level was so low that it did not delay my period at all and started "right on time" as if I had a normal menstrual cycle where we were not trying to get pregnant. To make matters worse, the nurse told me they "usually" test the Progesterone level one week after the start of the shots to see if the medication needs to be increased. Well why the hell didn't you do that then????? Maybe we could have caught it in time to know that my level was too low and the baby was not going to implant unless we increased it! I am so angry at their lack of monitoring and their ability to say to me "this was just a bad cycle." Really?? Just a bad cycle? How about a HUGE loss, of babies and money! The entire time all I heard each appointment was how many follicles I had and how it was going to be a GREAT cycle for us. Then, because they made me do the egg retrieval with no sedation, unlike the majority of fertility clinics, we started out with only 12 eggs and every day lost multiple because of the quality. We had ONE CHANCE at getting a baby out of this cycle...only ONE, and they failed to check my Progesterone level like they "normally do." After doing some research, and realizing I was only taking 25mg of Progesterone a day, its no wonder the shots were not helping. During my last pregnancy I was taking 400mg of Progesterone a day in an oral pill because my Progesterone level was not rising the way my doctor wanted to see it rise on its own. The pills helped tremendously, shooting my level up from 20 to 80! Now, I know the Progesterone might not be the only issue. The reality is we didn't know if the baby we did transfer had any genetic issues because the lab could not get a result on that one...but it certainly makes me angry that it didn't even have a chance of survival after learning how low my Progesterone was!

In addition to my lovely period starting, on Saturday we received our "final bills" from both Ohio Reproductive Medicine and Kettering Reproductive Medicine. I was expecting a big bill from Kettering since we did three ultrasounds there. But just because I was expecting it, it doesn't mean it didn't sting when we got the $531 bill and we have no baby to show for it, not even any frozen embryos. Our bill from Ohio Reproductive was more of an unexpected bill that has me hot and furious! We paid them $7568 in January before we started our cycle. The money we paid them was based on the fees for each service during our cycle. The bill we got from them today shows they are now charging us anywhere from $5-$70 extra on each service that we ALREADY paid for! They are saying we owe them $415 when really we should only owe them $187 for the two office visits and one ultrasound that was not included in our deposit. After feeling like they royally screwed our chances to get a baby out of this cycle...do you think I feel like paying them even more money for the services we had already paid for?! HELL NO. So we have already paid about $10,000 out of our own pocket and $3,000 from our grant, and now we have to pay another $950 for absolutely NOTHING. We got NOTHING out of this....NOTHING accept DEBT. Another "Un-Friendly" reminder that we are STILL childless.

To top off our fabulous weekend...we got a $4200 bill from the plumbers who had to come out in January because our basement was flooding uncontrollably. They ended up having to put in a whole new septic drainage system because the original system was hooked up to a completely full Septic Tank. They had to drain the tank, fill it with rocks, and put in a new sewage line to connect into the city sewer. OF COURSE the day we get their bill....we start having more drainage problems! Our shower wouldn't drain, then the sink wouldn't drain, and then the toilet started overflowing. There's gurgling in all our our drains, including the kitchen sink. We can't figure out the problem on our own...so now we get to call the plumbers back out here tomorrow, and we will get yet ANOTHER bill! I love bills! BILLS BILLS BILLS!!

We are still paying $100 a month on my last d&c I had on November 1st. It really feels like we are drowning right now. Everything will get paid...we always figure out a way to pull money from our ass somehow. But it is just very sickening to me that no matter what option we go for next on this baby quest...it will cost anywhere from $7,000-$30,000! And none of them are guaranteed we will get a baby, which is the worst part of all. They money is always worth it...if it gets you what you want or need and fixes the "problem." Right now it just feels like this storm is pouring down rain and we have no umbrella to stand under to get any bit of shelter.