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Friday, March 14, 2014

Bed Rest and Butt Shots

Part of anyone's IVF cycle are Progesterone shots that go in your butt. They are intramuscular shots and the needle is very long and scary looking. I've been getting these shots every night by my husband since the night of our egg retrieval. The purpose of the shots are to thicken the uterine lining to support a growing baby. Typically, when we ovulate and become pregnant naturally, the follicle that released the egg becomes a corpus luteum cyst and naturally releases progesterone. In the case of IVF, your body has no natural way of releasing Progesterone so it must be supplemented through injections. As scary as the shots look, they aren't terrible. We just ice my bottom down before hand and then use a heating pad on it afterwards. My husband is doing a good job at giving them too, despite how nervous I was about it in the beginning. Tonight will be night 8 of the shots. As much as I thought all these shots were going to be the worst part of doing IVF-they have actually been the easiest. Far easier than the egg retrieval and getting the daily updates on our embryos and the waiting after the transfer.

Since the embryo transfer I have been on bed rest. I've been taking it easy, watching t.v. mostly and folding laundry on the couch. It is very weird to me that I know there was a ball of cells inserted into my uterus two days ago that should hopefully grow into a baby. I haven't been able to get excited about that possibility yet, because I know of the other possible outcomes and how bad those outcomes hurt. I was so hopeful in the beginning of this cycle and everything had been going so smoothly up until our egg retrieval. From there, things went down hill very fast. It always seems to happen that way. I get super hopeful and excited, I start buying baby items (which I did this time too), and then BAM-everything crashes around me.

Alex is more hopeful than I have ever seen him. He is so hopeful that he thinks the cells are going to divide and we will end up with twins or triplets. He is so hopeful that he has been putting his hand over my uterus ever since the transfer, as if he is holding his baby. I am glad he has this sense of hope, but at the same time, it makes me scared because I remember him doing the same thing when I was pregnant with Riley and Logan. He would always touch my belly, kiss my belly, and talk to our baby. It makes me sad that he can get that excited and then never has the chance to show that same kind of love to our children outside of my belly. At the same time, it helps me to know that our babies had so much love from us from the very beginning and didn't know anything else but our love. I hate that this time I am so guarded and trying to protect my own heart that I can't see past today.

For me, it is a day by day process. In a week from today I will have had my first pregnancy test. I will know if the baby actually implanted itself and continued to develop. In three weeks from today we will have our first ultrasound and will know if the baby has continued to grow enough to develop a heartbeat. From now until next Friday, all I can do is wait and wonder, pray and remain calm.

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