I said I was not going to post any updates until tomorrow, but due to getting messages asking for any news and posts on my wall asking for an update, here it is. We are NOT pregnant. I took a home pregnancy test this morning before I left my house to get the blood work done. The words "Not Pregnant" crushed me. I tried to remember that I was told not to take a home pregnancy test because it likely would be negative because there wouldn't be enough HCG in my urine to show a positive result. All day I have been depressed. All day I have been crying off an on. I waited as patiently as I could for the phone call from the nurse at Ohio Reproductive Medicine. The phone finally rang at 4:37pm. I was in the middle of transferring a patient from the medical unit to the psychiatric unit and had just gotten done talking to the psychiatrist about another patient whose medical unit doctor wanted transferred to the geriatric psychiatric unit. I knew the words were coming out of the nurses mouth as soon as she called and asked in a saddened voice "how are you Lindsay?" "Nervous," I replied. "It's not good," She said.
I would do anything to trade places with the 24 year old heroin addict that I saw on Wednesday whose on Methadone treatment and is 6 months pregnant with twin girls...except there would be no way in hell I'd ever do heroin or methadone, pregnant or not! Why does she deserve 1 child let alone 2?? I just don't understand how this works.
As I left my house this morning, after getting the negative pregnancy test, to go get my blood work done, this song was the first song I heard. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5oHqR_LKMU