Preparing for Baby M

When a woman becomes pregnant she almost immediately starts preparing for her baby to enter the world.  Between downloading baby apps to read about her baby's developmental progress each week to making a list of names she likes and would consider naming her baby, from scheduling the first OB appointment and thinking about how and where she wants to deliver her baby to dreaming about the day she gets to have a maternity photo shoot to celebrate the impending birth of her child, and from scouring Pintrest for baby shower themes and decoration ideas to creating her baby registry on Babies R Us and dreaming about the perfect nursery for her soon to be prince or princess.  I've done these things every time I've been pregnant.  Despite losing the baby before, there was always a sense of hope and wonder that my anxiety of losing another baby could not steal from me.  And it's no different this time either.  I've started preparing for Baby M, knowing all too well Baby M may never come home with us, but having so much hope and wonder about the future that I'm allowing myself to do these normal pregnancy related planning activities. 

Since our last ultrasound on January 12th, I have had Baby M's picture plastered as the background on my phone. Some day's I can't stop starring at our little gummy bear.  Some day's I can't believe this tiny creature is growing inside of me.  And everyday I am falling more and more in love. 

I've made my one page list of boy names and one page list of girl names.  I've presented them to my husband, who is purposely refusing to tell me which ones he likes because he likes torturing my brain.  And my 4 year old niece has given us her two-cents on which ones she likes and doesn't like.  She has also told us we are having a girl and she clearly does not believe for one second we are having a boy! It's pretty funny to have conversations with her about the baby.  The first time we told her there was a baby in my belly, her response was "I hope it's a girl!" The first time she listened to the baby's heartbeat on my phone she asked "what's her name."  Then she proceeded to tell me we should name "her" Maci Rae...which come to find out is her dad's cousin's daughter's name but my niece's name is also Raegan! She has quite the personality and is so excited about having a baby cousin....I just hope she is still excited if Baby M ends up being a boy!

People have asked if we are going to find out the gender, and the answer is most likely yes.  However, we don't want to know until later in the second trimester because I want to do a gender reveal at my baby shower and I am horrible at keeping secrets! So you all will have to wait until somewhere between 27-31 weeks before we let you know if Baby M is a prince or princess:) I did have the Maternit 21 blood test completed today at my OB's office which screens for any chromosome abnormalities in the baby and will also be able to identify Baby M as a male or female....but my doctor was given clear instructions today to only tell us if the chromosomes are normal or abnormal! I just hope she doesn't slip and tell us...I've had dreams that she does accidentally tell us before we want to know!

Today was the first time I met with my OB during this pregnancy.  She greeted me with a big hug and a congratulations and made me feel super confident in how we will manage the remainder of this pregnancy.  I will have the genetic screening ultrasound completed next Thursday which is where they check for fluid behind the neck, a common sign of Down Syndrome and other trisomy disorders.  Then we will have an ultrasound every 3-4 weeks for the remainder of the pregnancy.  Maybe more once we get to the third trimester.  Dr. Sharma is on board with working with Dr. Braverman if I need to continue the Prednisone and Intralipids into the second trimester, which I should find out within the next week or two.  We did some other routine pregnancy blood work and cultures today as well to make sure I have no infections and no need for any additional medications at this point.  I truly believe that I found a great OB finally who is just as excited and anxious for us as we are.

My last tid bit of good news is that the nursery is underway! My dad and husband started mudding the drywall in the nursery this past weekend...which is something we did not think they would get to for another couple months! That room has been so packed full of furniture and OSB & drywall boards, and just...junk. My husband spent his entire Sunday cleaning it out and has finally agreed that we can get rid of his old bedroom furniture (from childhood) that we no longer have any use for.  I'm beyond excited to see the nursery come together.  I'm positive it's going to be my favorite room to finish in our upstairs remodeling project! Of course I've been researching cribs and looking for the perfect bedding set already:)

While I am 10 weeks 4 days today, which is the exact gestation that our third baby, Logan, stopped growing and was our furthest miscarriage, and tomorrow is two years to the day we found out Logan's heart stopped beating and he stopped growing at our 11 week ultrasound, I am going to choose positive thoughts for the baby growing in me today.  I am going to choose to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible, celebrate every once of good news as it comes, and have faith that God has his hands in the making of this little miracle.