The difficult part about being a mother to an angel is find a way you can turn your pain into purpose. It is easy for people who haven't experienced what you have to tell you everything happens for a reason-that your baby or child died for a reason. However, as a mother whose baby or child died...there can't possibly be a good enough reason that God would cause such tremendous pain and suffering. What I do know is this-if you can find a way to carry you baby's or child's legacy on...you will be able to turn your pain into purpose.
For me, it was the due date of my third angel baby that lit a fire in me. I had been grieving for the past 7 months over the loss of our son at 11 weeks. But it wasn't just him I was grieving...I was also re-grieving the loss of my stillborn daughter in 2008 and the baby I miscarried in 2009. I was grieving for myself-the fact that I had been pregnant three times and wasn't able to carry a baby to full term. I felt extremely angry all the time at friends and family who made senseless comments to me about their opinion on how I was coping or should be coping and why our baby died. I felt angry that I had absolutely no one who I could really talk to about how I was feeling and would listen to me rather than make me feel like I should be able to get over my grief. My third empty due date made me realize there are so many other women in my community that have felt the same way as I did or who still feel the same way as I do and there was a need for a safe environment for us to come together to support each other on our journey through grieving the loss of our children. 
With that fire that was lit in me, I started a support group for women and couples who have lost a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death. The support group, Honoring Angels, was a way for me to turn my pain into purpose. I was not going to let my babies' deaths be in vain. I was not going to let my grief consume me. I was not going to let my anger get the best of me. And I certainly was not going to let anyone tell me how I should grieve for my babies. Honoring Angels was established on the foundation that when you talk about your baby-you are honoring their life, however short it was. Honoring Angels was created to carry on my babies' legacy. As a facilitator of the support group, I feel like this journey that I am on to become a parent now has a purpose. Had I never experienced the loss and pain that I have...there most likely would not have been someone in my community to create a support group like this because most women accept societies rules that the death of a baby-especially through miscarriage-shouldn't be talked about and can't be nearly as painful as losing someone you've had years to bond with. I've broken that rule, and I've created a place where it is ACCEPTABLE and ENCOURAGED to speak about you baby without having any JUDGEMENT placed on you! 
This is an article that was in the newspaper yesterday. I met with a reporter from The Daily Standard a few weeks away while we were going through our IVF cycle...it was 2 days before our transfer. The reporter took interest in the support group because she too had experienced losing two babies to miscarriage when she was my age, and back then-she was expected not to talk about her feelings surrounding her miscarriages. She expressed to me that she wishes there was a group like this when she was going through her deepest moments of grief. I explained to her that she is more than welcomed to come to our group, because we recognize grief has no time limit!
If you live in the Auglaize County, OH area and are feeling alone in your grief after the loss of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death-please consider coming to our support group! We are a small group currently and we all have very different experiences but show each other respect and understanding nonetheless. We meet on the first and third Saturday of the month from 10am-11:30am at Joint Township District Memorial Hospital, conference room 5. There are some Saturday's where we have a social event rather than a meeting...but everything we do involves working through the grieving process. For example, on Saturday April 19th we will be going to see Heaven is For Real in the movie theater instead of heaving a meeting. This is a group where friendships are being made because we are bonded by our angels in Heaven! For more information about our group-please contact me or join the Honoring Angels Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Support Group on Facebook!
No comments:
Post a Comment