He Will Be Great

In honor of Valentine's Day, I want to share my love for my husband. Our relationship has not been all rainbows and butterflies. We have experienced many storms, besides the storms of losing babies. With every one we make it through I fall deeper in love with him and appreciate the person he is. As we have grown older together, from the ages of 19 & 21 when we met to 27 & 29 now, I have seen so many qualities that make me say "he will be great" at being a dad.

Looking back to the first time I was pregnant when I was only 20 years old and he was 23, I am impressed at how well Alex handled the news and his commitment to remain in me and Riley's life. I am impressed that he went to every ultrasound appointment and never left my side as I gave birth to our stillborn daughter. I am impressed that he made the funeral arrangements for Riley with such tender, loving care with my wishes in mind the entire time.

Looking back to the second time I was pregnant when I was only 22 and he was 25, I am impressed at how supportive and understanding Alex was when I found out I had gotten pregnant by another man during a short-lived break up between the two of us. I am impressed that he was the man sitting next to me holding my hand while in the emergency room after I had miscarried the baby. I am impressed that he continued to want to make an effort to make our relationship stronger and went to counseling with me.

Looking back to when we were foster parents to a 16 year old girl when I was only 24 and he was 27, I am impressed at the patience he displayed when she acted like a teenage girl. I am impressed with the time he took to get to know a complete stranger that was living in our home and the time he invested into caring for a child who was not our own. I am impressed with the team work we developed and how we always backed each other up on the rules and consequences in our home. I am impressed with how much our love and respect for one another grew through this experience and how he would stand up for me when she would treat me like garbage.

Looking back to the third time I was pregnant when I was 25 and he was 28, I am impressed at the excitement Alex had from the very first positive pregnancy test. I am impressed with the loved he showed our baby right from the beginning-the belly kisses and baby talk. I am impressed with his ability to be the stronger one for us when we learned our baby had died. I am impressed with the tears he has shed with me as we have grieved for another baby we never even got to hold. I am impressed that he has always been willing to see my point of view regarding the way I want to build our family and has supportive my every decision.

Looking back to the fourth time I was pregnant when I was 26 and he was 29, I am impressed at the positive thinking Alex always had that had a way of decreasing my anxiety. I am impressed that he was willing to take a picture every single week with me to celebrate each week as a new milestone as we both knew forever was not guaranteed to us. I am impressed that he considered adoption as an option for building our family after we lost yet another baby. I am impressed that even though he did not want to announce our pregnancy to anyone until we cleared the first trimester he was open about our miscarriage to his family members who didn't know we were expecting again.

Looking back to the day I brought Farrah, our kitten, home from her foster home, I am impressed at how quickly he fell in love with her. I am impressed that even though he did not want a kitten and wanted a dog instead, he knew how much I wanted a kitten and allowed me to have what I wanted before he got what he wanted. I am impressed at how gentle he is with Farrah and how concerned he was for her healing after her spay and declaw surgeries. I am impressed when I see him cuddled up with Farrah and allowing her to sleep in our bed even when he said he didn't want her to. I am impressed every time I hear him talking to Farrah as if she is our real baby, calling her "princess" and "sweety."

Looking back to conversations Alex and I have had about our future, I am impressed that he is willing to do whatever it takes to create a family. I am impressed that when we were driving through Florida recently and we passed the signs for the Butterfly Garden, when asked if we had girls and they wanted to stop there on the way to our destination would he let us and he responded "I don't think I would have a choice." I am impressed that he dreams of having a boy he can name after his father and can build a bond with like he and his father had. I am impressed that he is up for the challenge of having twins.

Looking forward to our future family, I know Alex will be a great father. He already has been even when he didn't have to be. He will definitely be our sons' first hero and our daughters' first love. I have seen him grow from a timid uncle to being extremely playful with all of our nieces and nephews. Alex loves playing football with my nephews and picking "back" at my nieces and I know that is just the kind of dad he will be too. However long it takes to make our family complete and whatever it takes to make our family complete, I will love you every step of the way Alex.