Having Mixed Emotions

We got our IVF cycle calendars yesterday. Seeing specific dates down on paper makes me really excited and hopeful, and it makes me really bummed and scared.  If all goes as planned, according to our IVF calendar, my sisters egg retrieval will be on November 19th, our embryo transfer will be on November 24th, and our first beta pregnancy test will be on December 3rd.

December 3, 1999 my husbands father was pronounced dead.  My husband was a 15 year old boy and naturally developed so much anger when he lost his father at such a young age.  This year marks the 15 year anniversary since his father died.  I don't even know how to think or feel about our pregnancy test day falling on this day.  Is it a sign? Is his dad going to pull a favor with God on our behalf? Is my husbands father going to help make my husband a parent finally? Or is this just going to be one more heart breaking day in my husbands life? Is he going to have to feel the pain of his father being gone now for 15 years AND the pain of another failed IVF cycle?  I really hope that this is a good sign and when we get the phone call from the nurse with the results of our blood work that day we can drop to our knees crying tears of gratitude and not tears of despair, anger, and resentment.  For right now, I need to believe in this quote: 

Things are getting very real for me.  I'm already starting to get emotional about what may or may not happen and I've only just begun week 2 of birth control.  I'm still waiting on my sister to start her period this coming weekend so she can start her birth control too.  We have all the meds ordered for both me and my sister and we have my sisters first two appointments during the cycle scheduled. Dr. This talked to Dr. Braverman in New York today so that takes care of the last bit we needed to get arranged for my treatment protocol.  Lord knows I'm going to be an emotional wreck as we get closer and closer to that egg retrieval date.  

Hoping all my friends going through cycles this month and next have success and are blessed with the beautiful babies they deserve:)