Yesterday I was sitting in church. I hadn't been in a few Sunday's because life has just been busy between work, my car accident, and the golf outing...and sometimes I just want to sleep in with my husband for once. I found myself doing something I don't normally do yesterday. I love Christian rock worship music, but when it comes to worshiping in public, I tend to me more reserved. In my car I will belt the tune out and cry out of sadness, anger, or even happiness. But in church, I just tap my feet and hands to the beat of the song and sometimes sway a little back and forth. Yesterday though, I felt my arms rising as I closed my eyes and worshipped God with all of my body.
It hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. But in a freeing kinda way. Not a weighted down kinda way. For the past 7 years of my life, since I got pregnant with Riley in September 2007 as a senior in college and was terrified about my future, I have been carried by faith. Through the scary, through the joy, through the heartbreak, through the uncertainty, through the anger, through the challenges....faith has carried me the entire time.
People ask me how I have stayed so strong. How I have any hope in the future. How I have managed to make it through the loss of four babies. I've never really known the answer to be honest. But now I do.