I hope he has a Dimple

The closer we get to meeting our little guy the more I sit and wonder what he is going to look like, or who he is going to look like.  Everyday I feel his kicks...and dance moves...and karate chops.  I get to watch him as he plays around in my belly creating tidal waves of movement.  It's an amazing feeling to know that I am growing this human inside of me.  From what started out as a single egg and single sperm fertilized together in a cold lab, to becoming a clump of cells that were transferred into my uterus through a catheter, to becoming this little baby boy that is transforming before our eyes at every appointment-this is the miracle of life.  I feel lucky to be able to be his momma, yet....he will most likely look nothing like me. 

When a baby is born the first thing people typically do is compare the baby's features to its parents to determine who the baby looks like.  Our son's facial characteristics-his eye color, his hair color, the shape of his nose, his smile....none of that will come from me.  And it does make me a little sad to know this-to know that I wasn't able to create our son with my DNA.  But the up part of that is my sister is a whole lot prettier than me and she has some pretty awesome characteristics that I wouldn't mind our son having.....her dimple for example! So there is a part of me that really hopes he gets the best of her features since he can't have mine. 

As I was going through all the cards from my baby shower, there was one that got me choked up.  It was from my older sister who has been a big supporter of our pregnancy since we found out our donor cycle worked in December.  The card reads:

 

"One of the sweetest things about welcoming a new baby boy is learning how you fit together...

The way his sleepy weight fills your arms so perfectly and how that place where neck and shoulder meet suddenly seems made for him to snuggle his head into. But even more than that, it's discovering just how beautifully he fits into your life-how there was always a place right in the heart of your family just waiting for this previous boy to come and fill it with so much love."

 

It made me cry again as I typed out those words, because I know once he is here, I will never be able to imagine my life without him.  And even though when we got married we never though that we would have a child that wasn't part me and part my husband, I know that this little boy is meant just for us.  Things had to happened in our lives- horrible, tragic, heartbreaking things-for our son to be lead to us.  This baby was never part of our plan...but he was always part of God's plan for us. I can't even begin to explain to you how amazing that is. 

 

We are looking forward to our 3D ultrasound on Tuesday and hoping we will be able to get a glimpse of what our baby boy looks like before he ever even arrives! I also have a follow-up appointment and ultrasound with the high risk doctor that same day to see if she can figure out yet what type of cord insertion we really have going on.  I'm just thankful that it hasn't seemed to affect this little man whatsoever. He's growing like a weed and plays constantly.  I am hoping after my appointment's this coming week that we will get a better idea of when the doctors would be okay scheduling my c-section-I'm really praying for around 37 weeks.  My genetic doctor is recommending 36 weeks for my own safety to avoid any changes of developing blood clots but my OB wasn't on board with that the last we talked.  He has since faxed a letter to her with his recommendations so we will see what she says when I see her this coming week.  I am anxiously waiting to meet our miracle and will feel so grateful once he is safely here in our arms.