A Different Kind of Mother's Day

 

Let me start off by saying I was no more of a mother yesterday as I was seven years ago. But yesterday felt different.  There was something magical about being a few days away from the third trimester, hearing people actually telling me Happy Mother's Day, and feeling our baby kicking away from the inside of my belly.  There were no special gifts received yesterday, just a card from my husband and mother-in-law.  But that's okay...because I had the only gift that I had ever wanted growing right inside of me. 

Yesterday started off at church where I received a rose from a "mystery person" who wanted to make sure I was recognized as a mother that day.  It was such a kind and thoughtful gesture and makes me appreciate my church family so much more.  Everyone at my church is praying for this little miracle, even people that I don't know on a personal level. 

After church I stopped at my sister's house to give her a mother's day card and gift card to Buffalo Wild Wings.  I felt it was only appropriate to tell her how much she means to me.  Without her, Baby M wouldn't be with us today.  She has given me the greatest gift this Mother's Day and there is no way to thank her enough for this gift.

Once I left my sister's house, I stopped at the cemetery to pay Riley a visit.  She was my first daughter, and there is nothing in the world that can change that.  She made me a mother.  She changed my life and has taught me things about myself no one else ever could.  I left her with the rose I was given in church, because she is the reason I can celebrate Mother's Day. 

The rest of the day was spent with family; a cook-out at my sister-in-laws in the afternoon and an evening visit at my parents house.  It was a nice change to be talking about our plans for Baby M rather than sitting around feeling jealous of our family members and feeling like an outcast because my children are in Heaven and not on Earth playing on the swing set while all the adults sit around and talk.  I finished the day with a cotton candy blizzard from Dairy Queen and began my day today by ordering Baby M's crib bedding set and accessories.  I'd say that's a successful Mother's Day.

The only sour part of my day was when I told someone Happy Mother's Day and the response was "I can almost say that to you too."  It just reminds me how much I hate the term "mom-to-be."  I find it to be such a disrespectful term to pregnant woman because it insinuates that you are not a mom or mother until your baby is born alive and well.  You don't become a mother when your baby is born alive-you become a parent.  You become a mother the moment you become pregnant and there is life growing inside of you.  Everything you do changes from that moment because you have another life to think about and to protect.  Every day you grow deeper in love with that tiny baby who rapidly starts taking over your insides and changing your lifestyle.  And if or when that baby stops growing, your love doesn't stop growing.  Being a mother is about love.  It's not about how many diapers you change, or bedtime stories you read, or boogers you wipe, or bruises you heal, or hugs you receive, or homework assignments you help with, or activities you shuttle to.  Those things are what being a parent is about. 

I was a mother seven years ago and I am still a mother today. These are my babies, and they will always be my babies.

 

Riley Grace

Logan Kale

 

Audrey Rayne

 

 

Baby M

 If you've ever been pregnant, please know you are already a mother too.  And I pray someday soon you will be a parent.  If you have living children but also have children in Heaven, please know your angels are just as meaningful as your living children.  If you are still waiting, wishing, and hoping for your first positive pregnancy test, please know I pray that you will someday soon know the miracle of life growing within you and a love so deep between you and your baby.  I hope someday everyone who hurts on Mother's Day will be able to have a different kind of Mother's Day too.