I made a mistake because I am Human

I have posted 73 blog entries prior to this one. All of which are about our journey to parenthood through the loss of our stillborn daughter and three first trimester miscarriages and through our failed IVF with PGD cycle and now on to our egg donor cycle. While yesterday's blog post was not the most read post out of all 73 entries, it certainly had the most comments both good and bad. The majority of the negative commentary was on the blog itself but some where on Facebook as well. I feel the need to address this today.

Reading back through yesterday's entry I realize how selfish I sounded. I did not talk about the other vehicle that I hit, making it sound like I was only worried about myself in this accident that I was the cause of. So I will start there. Here is a picture of the type of truck that I hit:

As you can see, this thing is a monster compared to my car. I am guessing my car actually went underneath the truck when I hit it. After the accident, when I got out of my vehicle and was having my panic attack, I was apologizing profusely to the two guys that were in the truck. Neither one of them had any injuries. By the grace of God we were all able to walk away with all of our limbs and our lives and their truck had very little damage-maybe a dent in the back fender from what I can remember. The guys were super nice to me and had to continue to tell me "these things happen-it could have been worse" because I could not stop crying and apologizing.

For the past three days I keep replaying this accident in my head. I keep beating myself up for making such a stupid decision with the eye liner. I keep thanking God that this did not turn out any worse than me having to get a new car when I really liked the car I had. When it all happened I kept thinking I have the most terrible luck ever...but in all reality I know I am extremely lucky that I did not hit a vehicle that had children in it or caused any injuries to anyone involved.

When I started my blog I vowed to myself that this would be a place where I would express myself in the most honest way possible. I said I wouldn't sugar coat anything. I am not proud of my actions, yet I was honest about them and I owned up to the horrible mistake that I made. Humility and Honesty go a long way and say a lot about a person. I am humiliated by my actions that caused the accident and I will take this experience and become a more responsible person because of it.

I know a lot of the comments came from a personal place. People told me about times when they were hit by another car and the severe injuries that the other person caused them because they were not paying attention or a family member who was killed in an accident. I appreciate you sharing those stories with me, but what I do not appreciate are the comments from people saying I should not have children because I am irresponsible and careless. That is taking things way to far.

We all have personal experiences that shape our feelings and actions. For example, I've lost 4 babies and I think abortion is a horrible thing. But I will never EVER call someone who has had an abortion a Baby Killer or tell them they don't deserve to have any future children because they chose to get rid of one they could have had. I also get angry that women who use drugs their entire pregnancy can seem to be able to pop out one kid after another and I've never done drugs or smoked cigarettes and can't seem to have even one child. But I would never EVER tell them they are a worthless POS mother who doesn't deserve the children she has.

For those of you that do not know me and my story but have passed judgement on me for my bad driving habits-shame on you. No one in this world is perfect. I know that I for one, am not. I know I make a lot of mistakes. I also know that I choose to learn from my mistakes. And more importantly I know I make a lot of selfless choices too and those who truly know me know that about me. I am not defined by what I did this week. I am not a criminal. I am human. And I am resilient. And I am constantly learning how to be better.

You are also not defined by a single one mistake that you have made. You have good qualities and you have bad qualities. We all do. I choose not to judge others based on one thing they did, but based on numerous things they have done. I would hope others would judge me the same way.