Preheating the Oven

I want to start today's post by thanking my God.  Six days ago when we had my sister's egg retrieval we were ecstatic with the number of eggs that were collected.  The very next day we were told only half of those eggs were mature and only a third fertilized.  I was feeling down.  I was worried.  I was scared that we had just put my sister through the most invasive procedure she has ever been through and it may not have been worth it.  It may not have been worth the $19,000 we just spent.  It may not work out for us in the end.  I was feeling all those emotions not because I was not grateful for the 23 eggs my sister donated and the 8 eggs that fertilized.  I was feeling those emotions because all we've known so far on our journey is loss, death, devastation, heartache, pain, debt, uncertainty.  I was feeling those emotions because unfortunately I realize that infertility treatments only occasionally work....most of the time they don't, according to statistics and what I've learned through online support groups.  I was feeling those emotions because unfortunately I knew that there would be some of those 8 fertilized eggs that would not grow the way they should based on my personal experience during our first IVF cycle and the experience of other people that I knew from my support groups.  I was feeling those emotions because unfortunately I know everything can look great one day and the next things take a terrible turn for the worse.  I was feeling those emotions because unfortunately I know that even a perfect looking embryo does not always implant.  I was feeling those emotions because I know nothing in this life is a guarantee....just like I unfortunately know there is no "safe zone" during pregnancy....babies die for no reason at all and even in the last weeks of pregnancy.  My experience and the experiences I have witnessed absolutely shape how my mind thinks and sometimes it gets the best of me, and sometimes it makes me appreciate what we have that much more.  

After my post on Thursday about our fertilization report, I was reminded that although these 8 babies were created in a lab and were going to grow outside of me for several days, God knows each and every one of them.  He knew their genders the day the egg and sperm snuggled in together.  He knew their fate and he knew which ones would be destined to be our babies.  That gave me comfort.  That calmed my anxiety.  That made me excited to get our embryo development report....and it made me even more excited to learn that 7 of the 8 were doing great.  That gave me the confidence that I needed again.  That gave me the hope that I needed again.  And it made me realize "it's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it" just like the sign said that my sister was holding in our egg retrieval day picture. 

Fast forward two more days.  We got our day five embryo development report today.  Today our babies should be at the stage of a Morula or Blastocyst.  They are graded again on a scale of 1-4 where 1 is the best quality and 4 is the worst.  This is what we have today: 

One baby is an expanding blastocyst and graded a 1.5 

Three babies are early stage blastocyst and graded a 2

One baby is a late stage Morula and graded a 2 

Two babies are "blast-like" and graded a 3 

One baby is 7 cells and graded a 3 

So what does all this mean?  Well the Expanding Blastocyst is nearly perfect.  The early stage Blastocyst and late stage Morula are graded a 2 currently because the lab said they don't know yet how the cells will continue to compact so they take a point off until they see how they do.  Its still good that they are at the Morula and Blastocyst stage and a grade 2 is still good also.  The two babies that are "blast-like" means that they look like a blastocyst, but they do not have the intercell mass which is what creates the baby so they are graded a three since the quality does not appear promising. And the baby that is only 7 cells today....well that one's a little fighter because two days ago it was 4 cells and they thought then it would stop growing.  7 cells today is not good though, and this one definitely won't be able to come home with us.  

At this point we are looking at 5 good quality embryos unless a miracle happens overnight and the two "blast-like" ones suddenly have an intercell mass.  The lab says they aren't hopeful that will happen, but it HAS happened.  So I ask that you continue to pray for our 5 very hopeful babies and even the 2 others that have less of a chance of making it until tomorrow.  

Tomorrow we go in for our embryo transfer. At 8:30am one or two of these babies will be getting placed inside momma's oven! We are super happy about that.  Over the last couple of weeks we've been "preheating" this oven in preparation for this day.  I've been on birth control and Lupron to suppress my ovaries so I don't ovulate.  I've been on Estrace to build my uterine (oven) lining.  I've been on Prednisone and Medrol to make sure my body doesn't look at the baby as an unwanted invader.  I've gotten two intralipid infusions for that same reason.  I've been on Lovenox injections to thin my blood and prevent blood clots throughout my body, including my uterus.  I've been on Progesterone injections in my hips/back/upper butt....whatever the area is called, so my uterine blood vessels are strong and ready for implantation to occur and so my body can develop a placenta once the baby does implant itself.  I've been getting acupuncture on a weekly basis since October to increase my chances of implantation into a healthy uterus.  I had my last appointment before the transfer today, and my next appointment is on Wednesday.  I've been taking a crap ton of vitamins to help with blood flow issues and to help control my Homocystiene levels.  I was prayed over in church back in August when I first started going back and I was prayed over again yesterday for my body to grow this/these babies into the people they are meant to be.  Tomorrow we start baking inside the oven:) 

I will update tomorrow afternoon once we are home and after I get my third intralipid infusion.  I can't type with an IV shoved in my hand:/ We will know tomorrow how many we have in the oven and how many we have in the freezer! My goal for this cycle was to end up with 5-6 good quality embryos, even when we started out with 23 eggs, so we can transfer two and freeze the others.  It looks like we may very well meet that goal:) My ultimate goal is to get one or two living babies out of this cycle....and I really believe we will.  

Thank you for the continued prayers and amazing support!