The "To-Do" List

Today marks week 33 of pregnancy for me and Baby M.  We passed another week of NST's and Biophysical Profile ultrasounds.  He's given me a few scares this week during the testing though which is only consistent with his personality.  Freak mommy out first, then do what I'm supposed to do second.  On Monday I met with the head doctor of the practice that I go to. It was the first time I had met him and I was sceptical because I've heard some not so great things about his office manners. He walked in my room while I was tied to the NST monitors and asked why we were doing the test.  The baby hadn't moved a whole lot during the first 10 minutes but the doctor saw some movement and slight increase in heart rate that he said would "meet standards" if there was no improvements.  We talked a little bit about my history of pregnancy loss, using my sister as our egg donor which he actually thought was great, and the factors that still make me high risk such as the velementous cord insertion and my genetic condition, Homocystinuria.  His comment was "well aren't you really interesting?!"  Yup....that's me. About as abnormal as they come apparently. He left the room and Baby M really took off kicking with his heart rate elevating into the 170's. 


The music notes indicate kicks

There was a few times during the end of the NST where I thought I saw the heart rate drop down to 106 and even in the double digit range.  I'm not sure if Baby M just moved away from the monitor briefly or if there really was a drop in his heart rate.  The doctor never said anything about when he came back in to check on us and unhook me from everything though so I'm hoping it was just a brief moment of Baby M sneaking away from the monitor.  I met with the doctor in his office after being unhooked and discussed the recommendation for the early induction from my genetic doctor.  We were interrupted multiple times by the doctor's wife calling him about her knee injury and the doctor making phone calls to an orthopedic specialist so his wife could skip and ER visit.  It was a really annoying conversation to be listening to when all I wanted to know was when we will get to meet our baby! He told me he would not induce me until 39 weeks if I were his patient.  But after talking to him about our fears of complications that can arise that late in pregnancy, he said he would agree to an induction at 38 weeks either by vaginal delivery or c-section.  He didn't think I needed to worry about the cord insertion or Baby M's big head causing problems during a delivery either.....but lets be honest, he's never pushed a baby out of a small hole that's less than a third of the size of the baby's head!

I'm really up-in-the-air about what kind of delivery I want though.  There is a huge part of me that wants to have a vaginal delivery.  I want to experience the contractions and pushing and emotional aspect of knowing that I'm physically bringing our baby into the world.  I want to be able to be the first person who holds our son.  I want to know what it is like to feel utter amazement in myself for accomplishing the birthing process.  But then again, I fear something will go horribly wrong during delivery.  I worry the baby will get stuck in the birth canal because his head is too big to make it out.  I worry about what kind of intervention would have to be used in a situation like that and what kind of damage it would do to me and the baby.  My sister-in-law had a forceps delivery with her first son and my mother-in-law hemorrhaged with my husband.  Those stories kinda have me freaked out a little.  My husband wants to just go for the c-section.  He thinks that would be the safest route for the baby and said that if something starts going wrong during the delivery he would freak out but would feel like he couldn't show how scared he is because it would make me even more anxious.  If only we could see into the future and know what is going to happen.  Right now we don't even have a scheduled induction date....and who knows-the baby could decide to come out in the next 2-3 weeks really!

Since we don't know when this bundle of joy will be coming out to meet us, it's starting to make me panic about what we have left to do to prepare for his arrival.  Everyday I'm asking my husband if he's talked to our contractors about finishing the bathroom project so we can get the plumber to come out and hook up the bathtub that is currently sitting in the middle of our uncarpeted nursery.  The carpet should be getting installed the week of July 6th and we have some painting in the nursery and master bedroom yet to do before that happens. Oh, and then let's not forget we have trim and doors to paint/stain and put up and closet shelving to install. I've already realized that there is no way we will be living upstairs before the baby comes, and probably not even at all while I'm on maternity leave since our stairway is not safe to walk up and down with a baby and can't be finished until we tear down and redo the dining room on the first floor that the stairway connects into.  So I've been trying to rearrange our bathroom and bedroom on the first floor to make space for the baby stuff we would use for the first three month.  I've emptied our dressers of the clothes that don't fit us anymore and still don't have room yet for Baby M's clothes:/ I feel so unprepared and it's driving me bonkers! There is so much yet to do before this baby comes that it actually makes me hope he stays in there until the beginning of August.

Other than trying to prepare our home for a baby, I've been trying to get everything we need together for our third trimester maternity photo shoot.  I'm excited about this-but my husband is not.  I just keep telling him that these pictures will be the last ones we will have of me being pregnant with Baby M-not to mention we worked too damn hard to get this far not to celebrate and cherish how fat I am! I also started looking at what I need to pack in our hospital bags and think maybe this weekend that will be my project.  At least that way I will feel somewhat more prepared that if something happens I know we are ready to go and don't have to scramble around the house at the last minute trying to figure out what to throw into a bag before we make the hour drive to the hospital!

Based on today's ultrasound though, I don't think Baby M is ready to come out.  My cervix is still long and closed.  He's breathing is not very consistent yet.  It took three separate tries today before the sonographer caught him using his lungs.  So I know if he were to come now he would be in the NICU to help him with his breathing.  Size wise, he's still a big boy.  He's 5 lbs 2 oz today and his head is now 32 cm (12.6 inches).  I think by the time he comes we will have a 9 pounder but we'll see how he keeps growing over these next couple of weeks. 

Pray for us and our ability to get as much done on our to-do list as possible before baby boy arrives!